I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
