i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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