I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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