Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
