I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
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