anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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