Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
