I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
