every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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