is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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