i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize