i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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