He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So here I am, sexting at work.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
