Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
id be glad to
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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