Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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