I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
