I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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