I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
cat food counts as protein by the way
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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