I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
