HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize