Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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