Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
