...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The ass gains better be worth it
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