They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
