Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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