I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize