Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
