Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
