I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
