Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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