are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
