You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize