I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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