I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
