i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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