Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
