you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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