when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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