i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
