Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
