at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
