allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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