Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
