I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
