is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I love you.
Bad choice
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
