I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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