Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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