just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
