I just made out with a guy for $7.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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