First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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