im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
