Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
