I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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