i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize