I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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