AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
