He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
