I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
not ubering you a puppy
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
