Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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