my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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