mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How naked do you want me to be?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
