My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i will never coherently bang her
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
