I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
