That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
