Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
