Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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