i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
