wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize