Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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