I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
