Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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