No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
