Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
operation have a gay friend backfired
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She needs sedatives and a leash
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
