i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
